Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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