if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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