My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
