He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
