Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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