On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
