It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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