I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
