You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
