if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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