There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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