Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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