speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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