i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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