There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
