I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
