Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
