Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
