I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
