We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
