I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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