Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
