is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
