Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
