I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
