i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
