Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You're like the curious george of whores
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
