last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
