Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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