I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
