Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just found puke in my bra..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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