How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
