I showed him my bush... on skype.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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