Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
