I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
