Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
false alarm, still single
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
