Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The air was thick with penises
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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