Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
