This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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