What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
