VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
