i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
smell my finger.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
