i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
