People in love make me want to vomit
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I want her autograph on my taint
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
