The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
