I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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