I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
