Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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