even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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