dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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