oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
