I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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