I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
