As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
