ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
