I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
