I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
